Let me start by saying that I do not like to publish sad or depressing posts much. I know I have posted one other, but that is why I have mostly been absent. I do not want people to think I am a complainer or do not appreciate anything. I am a human who has worries like everyone else.
I am a single mom who is raising a 9 month old. My life is not easy. I cannot find a job because I am so tired of filling out applications only to get turned down. I am trying to finish my associates degree, but I have been working on this for 5 years because I took a semester off to work at WDW, another to have my son, and I went to a university where the credits did not transfer when I went to a community college. I live with my parents because I did not have the money to stay in Florida. We live so far away from everything, I am tired and exhausted by the time I get home. My son’s father didn’t want us to be with him but now he wants us to move back with him. He has said this twice already and nothing has come about it. I have to share a room with my son which has completely changed his sleeping habits because I cannot do anything without him knowing. I cannot simply get in the car and just “drive” because there is nothing worth noting for about 20-30 miles. I live an hour away from the big city which cuts into my sleeping time. Also, my son’s. I cannot find a date because I am older than most at school and all I want to be is with my son. I do try my best, but I am just so sad a lot. He has decided he doesn’t want mommy to sleep at night. He wakes up in the morning screaming. He doesn’t wake up and smile anymore. He loves mommy and I love him, but sometimes I just want somebody else to help me in the middle of the night when he wants to wake up right after mommy goes to bed. He decides he wants to be a dare devil. I try my hardest to be everything he needs but sometimes it is overwhelming for just one person. My parents help out but mostly for cleaning bottles, day care once a week (when I’m at school) and in the morning sometimes. But it isn’t all I want. I don’t want to live with my parents forever to tell me how to raise my child and what I am doing wrong. I want to raise him my way. He is my son. I do not want them to turn him against his father or things that I love (Disney) simply because they do not like them. They do not understand how Disney is my life. It has been since I came back from WDW. I plan on going back as soon as I can. We did have the money, but then G lost his job. That was two months out of wages and then had to put it all back into school right after that. Neither one of us can get good jobs. And he is all the way in California! I just want us to married, but with all the drama Samson’s father entails, that is not all possible. I want my wedding at Disney because if I’m only have one. I want it right. I know this all seems like somethings trivial. But it is a lot. I am grateful for a roof over our heads and food and everything. But sometimes, it can be too much when they still tell you what to do.
Sometimes, people just need to rant. Sometimes people get built up and cannot release because they don’t really have any friends. That is what happens when you are not somebody that people really like because you are different and cannot find the right “clique” that will be with you. I have found one in each place, but I hardly keep in contact. That is not friendship. That is “there” friends.