My Son’s Past

The internet is such a free place. People talk about themselves and others as if they think that only a few people watch and read what they put, but it is all out there for all kinds of people to read.

I do not want to disclose a lot of my life because there are some things that I do not want people to judge me for, which I know there will be.

I will tell you these simple facts:

My son’s father gave me two choices when I got pregnant: to abort the baby or to give it up for adoption. I decided to go with the third choice. My choice. I decided to keep the baby and raise him. I did not know for sure whether it was a boy. But I just knew it.

My son’s father left us because he didn’t love me, though I loved him dearly He got a new girlfriend when I was pregnant, but I was supposed to date him. He came back to see his son at 4 months old and decided that he knew everything that was right for me and my son.

He said he didn’t want me but he didn’t want me to date either. He just basically wanted to control over me.

He has sent one only a couple of things for Samson. Blue Mickey Ears which say “Samson” and a Winnie-the-Pooh pajamas which he quickly outgrew. His parents have bought more and I am very grateful for them. But sometimes I wish his father would help more. He says he can’t afford it, but he can go to fancy dinners and get a new girlfriend, but he can’t even ask for updates anymore. I sent him pictures but hardly get replies.

He has said that he will come around when Samson asks for him. But I believe that will be too late.

I do try my hardest not to “that woman” who keeps a man’s son from him, but what can I do when he is the one keeping himself from his son? Most expect me to just let him, but I am not fully convinced that is what it is supposed to be like.

I will do as much as I think is right for my son, but I do not want my son to get hurt. I want him to be loved. I want my son to be in a predictable home, but his father cannot provide that.

 

There is more to even this story. But I cannot tell it all at one time. That would be quite a spoiler. So I will slowly reveal my past over many more posts. I am not ashamed of all my past actions, but there are some that is harder for me to say and to get out. Those may not be revealed for a while. But I will leave you with a picture that I have forever loved:

Image

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